Holy Irritations

God loves Osama

2011-05-02T10:52:00.000-05:00

I am arrogant, I am weak, I am perpetually plagued by self-righteousness. I do not claim to have anything together in my life. And whatever good witness that I give in this world is a direct result of God's grace in my life, and NOT a result of something that I did or am doing. It's a miracle, plain and simple. I am crawling through this life trying to make it to heaven. Yet, I crawl confident that God will accomplish His good work in me, eventually, that one day I will wash up on His shore, naked and torn to shreds, nothing good of my own, so that He gets all the Glory and Honor of a life well lived.

As we sort out our thoughts on the fateful demise of Osama bin Laden, let's not forget that God never rejoices when a child of His is lost. His mercy far outweighs His wrath, and ultimately the cross and love and forgiveness wins. Had Osama repented in his dying breath, God could (and would) forgive him. It would go against His nature to do anything else.

Now, my fallen nature wants, so bad, to go off right now on the behavior that I saw displayed last night on social networks by professed Christians, but I'm not. I could speak about how wrong on so many levels, it is for us to say in any way that Blessed John Paul II intercession had anything to do with the death of a man (see fall of communism), but I'm not. I will muster up some self-control and simply offer some biblical principles that I myself am adopting.

First, before we, as Christians, go pointing fingers and sharing our opinions, I believe it wise to take a hard look at ourselves and whole-heartedly adopt whatever virtue that we believe is lacking in others. Let's leave the hating to non-believers, let's love first. Secondly, I believe that we should spend at least the same amount of time in prayer as we do sharing our opinions on social networks or blogs. Prayers for our culture, our nation, our soldiers, our own families can never be underestimated. Remember that God desires us more than he desires to use us. Prayer might not change situations in our world, but it always changes the one's who are praying.

Lastly, let's not forget that God is accomplishing His plan with or without us. His Son will eventually reign over all that stood against good. Let's choose today to open ourselves to His plans, join together in an authentic brand of Christianity that loves neighbor and enemies alike, and watch as His name and fame make headlines.

I love you.

Seven Last Words of Christ on the Cross

2011-04-22T11:23:00.001-05:00

At Franciscan we always prayed these scriptures with the Friars from noon until 3pm. I will be praying them with my family, along with composer Franz Josef Hayden's Seven Last Words in the background.

Here is a brief reflection you can do at home. I like these because they are fully customizable to your time and your state in life. For example, you can insert some wrote prayers or some brief examen in between. Good Friday, everybody.

The Seven Last Words of Christ

1. "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34

When the crucifixion procession reached Golgotha, Jesus was crucified along with two criminals. The Roman soldiers divided up his clothing by casting lots. "He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Son of God, the Chosen One".

2. "Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise." Luke 23:43

One of the criminals who was crucified with Jesus said: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!" Another rebuked the first one: "Don't you fear God since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong. Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom."

3. "Woman, behold, your son!"."Behold, your Mother!" John 19:26-27

When Jesus saw his Mother and one of his disciples standing near, he said to his Mother: "Woman, behold, your son!". Then he said to the disciple: "Behold, your Mother!" And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.

4. "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" Mark 15:34

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" When some of the people standing around the cross heard this they said: "He's calling Elijah." Some believe that at that moment Jesus took on himself the sins of the world and was for the first time truly separated from the Father.

5. After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said to fulfill the scripture, "I thirst." John 19:28

The verse says, that he said "that the scripture might be fulfilled." In verse 15 we read: "My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws."

6. "It is finished." John 19:30

The prophecies had been fulfilled. Everything was in order. The plan was complete.

7. "Then Jesus, crying with a loud voice, said: "Father, into thy hands I commit my spirit!" And having said this he breathed his last. Luke 23:46

#11 Our kingdoms

2011-04-21T15:29:00.000-05:00

Dang it's getting crazy out there.

Just take a look at the world around us. Tsunamis, earthquakes, fires, radiation, poverty, governments, tyrants, racism, abortion. Things can look pretty grim.

With all of this around us, I think it's hard sometimes for me to remember that God is not sitting on His throne, with forehead sweat, worrying about whether or not things are gonna work out. The truth is, He's fine. He's more than fine, He is absolutely confident and certain that one day His Son, Jesus Christ, will literally destroy everything on earth that ever stood against Him, including death. And you and I will enter into a new heavens and new earth. Period. That's the story that God is accomplishing.

He started this thing. He's running this thing. He's gonna finish this thing. It's my job to trust and merge into what He's doing.

Happy Triduum everyone.

#10 Accountability

2010-12-29T11:22:00.000-06:00

The other night, as I was sitting on my back porch enjoying a glass of great craft beer, I got this text from one of my greatest friends.

What happened to your blog?

In an instant my world was filled with embarrassment, shame, and a intense sense of urgency to be better at life in general. Honestly, I didn't even know this friend of mine had ever even read it. And then the most dreadful thought occurred to me, what if I was refusing to accomplish the task that God had for me?

Accountability is a strange thing. Like worship, like service, like community, it's not really something that we "do", it's more like something that happens "on accident". To be a part of an accountability group is not the same as being accountable. To be accountable is to trust another, and to follow through with what they are suggesting.

See, I really trust this friend, and when he says something that calls me to greatness, I go for it. Not because this is something that I've signed up for, but because I know that he loves me, and he wants me to be who God has asked me to be. His comments propel me to change and be changed by the grace that God is offering.

Do you have someone in your life?

#9 time

2010-09-13T10:56:00.000-05:00

I love home improvement. Don't have any money, but I still like to peruse the aisles of my local hardware store and dream. Until I'm debt free, I'll have to be satisfied with leaving the store with things to repair my aging house. For some reason, last weekend, a lot of my doors needed repair. All in one day, I installed a recently repaired shower door, replaced the door knob on our back door and stopped it from sticking, and finally put a new latch on the outside gate. And even though the kitchen countertops were on my mind the entire time, it felt so good to get out there and sweat, create (kind of), and take time with my "little helpers".

If you know me, or have been reading for a while, you'll know that most of what I learn about God the Father comes from my life experiences as a daddy.

At one point on Saturday, Avila, who's 2, told me that she wanted to help me. Thinking back and knowing who cool it is when my kids are a part of my ordinary projects, see #5 God Can , I quickly agreed to her request. I was headed to the garage to find some screws and some small washers. She stood patiently next to me at my work bench while I searched through a couple disorganized bins of random hardware. I knew that if I didn't involve her immediately, she was going to get bored and take off, so I handed her a couple of washers. She happily took them in her little hand and smiled. However, it wasn't 30 seconds, while I searched for the right size screws, that she was handing the washers back to me, stating "I don't want to help you anymore", and skipping off to her sandbox. Bummer!

Instantly, as I'm listening for the Father's voice in all of this, I'm reminded of the impatience within my own heart surrounding the Father and His plan, His work, His projects. I find myself skipping away all the time! When will you heal this nation God? When will you make these paths straight? When will I see your justice? I feel just like Avila did, holding a couple of pieces to the puzzle, bored out of my mind, while my Father gathers the remaining parts to accomplish the project.

I'm reminded again that God knows what He is doing. He doesn't need our help, He desires it. But most of all He desires our trust in His plan. Even though it seems like it is "taking forever!" His timing is perfect in all things big and small. He's God, He could do it instantly at any moment. However, in that case, what would become of our trust, our faith, our time abiding in the Father?

I'm learning that patience is not the standing-in-line, bored, tapping my foot, kind of waiting. Patience is standing in awe of God's movements, works and plan, all the while knowing that He's got it taken care of, and that you are a part of it all...

Lord, help me to abide, to trust, to know your ways are correct ALL of the time. Amen.

Do you find yourself "waiting" on God and becoming impatient at times? What are the things in your world that you have a hard time seeing God's plan in? In what ways have you given up on God's plan, and tried to do it by yourself or simply skipped away?

#8 Deeds?

2010-08-16T10:56:00.000-05:00

I'm obsessed with perfection. This morning I had my whole family do a "practice run" of our new school morning routine, complete with timers so that we could somehow create that chaos that will inevitably ensue each morning. Once we were all fed, dressed and prayed up, they lined up and walked to the van at the appropriate time, giving me some satisfaction in knowing that we can do this.

School starts in a week...

It's my opinion that the rich young man in the Gospels (Matt 19:16-22) approaches Jesus in the same way. He wants to make sure that he is doing absolutely everything he can to secure his own perfection and ultimately his eternal happiness. However, you get the sense that Jesus in His mercy is required to give him a task, "go sell all that you possess", so that the young man has something tangible to work toward. As I continue to struggle into this intimacy with God, I have found that most of the time it is not about the deeds I'm performing, but about the disposition of my heart.

"Teacher, what good deed must I do, to have eternal life?" has the right intent, but it is the wrong question to ask. Jesus answers the question, but only because the young man wasn't ready to hear the whole truth, "get rid of everything else you love and love me."

Lord, as you perfect me, teach me how to love you more than all my stuff, my good deeds, my identity, my religion, my work, my family, my dreams. Help me to see that there is only one deed that you ask of me, to fall more madly in love with you everyday.

#7 who is my neighbor?

2010-05-15T11:55:00.000-05:00

Last night, Cana and I went on a date. We clipped some coupons from our trusty Entertainment book, got a babysitter, and set off to go watch the remake of Robinhood (which, by the way, was pretty good). On the way to the theatre, it started raining... really hard. I for one, was not looking forward to getting out of the car, for I was looking pretty fly with my hair all did. Cana was wearing a sleeveless dress and was already feeling cold. We stopped by the convenience store around the corner from the theatre, to get some candy and water to put in Cana's purse (is that bad? doesn't everyone do that?). We hurried out of the car, so as to not get too wet. As we approached the glass doors of the store, there came another man, shirtless, with tattoos, sandals with wet socks on. My first reaction, was to go into defensive mode. Can I take this guy if he intends to hurt my wife? Then, as my infantile stages of "enemy-love" self rose to the top of my psyche, I decided that I would open the door for the man, looking him in the eye with a smile, having him follow my wife in, even though it made me a little nervous. He just gave me a head jerk upward "'sup" and a smile, I'm was guessing, that was his way of saying thanks.
Cana chose skittles as her poison, and I, Reese's Pieces. We added a bottle of water and approached the counter. The shirtless man had a six pack of tall boys set there and was pointing out his brand of cigarettes to the cashier. We moved to the second attendant, only to find out that all the credit card machines were down due to the thunderstorm. I was pretty irritated, irritated because I couldn't buy my roundish bagged sugar craving. Then from our left, the shirtless man held out cash and said in an excited voice "I got it." "What do you mean? No." I responded, which was actually more polite than it was true. For, I knew exactly what he meant. He responded "you're good, you're good, just if you see someone else in need tonight, do the same." I was taken aback, but you know... I wasn't surprised. A shirtless tattooed man paid for our candy, and I really wasn't surprised.
When Jesus was asked "who is your neighbor?", He really didn't answer the question, but He told a story. He told the story of the good samaritan. A guy who the Jewish people where supposed to hate and supposed to be afraid of. When asked "who is your neighbor?", Jesus basically answered "the person that you are inclined to hate or be afraid of".
I've been trying to really practice enemy love and neighbor love for a couple of years now, and the more I pray for those who want to do me or my family harm and the more I love those that I am actually inclined to dislike, these characters at convenience stores and folks who smell badly or look dangerous aren't as repulsive anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm figuring out slowly that Christ really is everywhere, waiting to be treated with dignity. Not just in Haiti, or the poor, but everywhere. You see, I could speculate where this man got his cash. Or wonder if my skittles were bought with dope dealing money or worse. I could think about where tattoo man was going to party that night and with whom, what his family was like, how he grew up, what car he drove, and whether or not he received government aid for housing or food. Or I could see him as a neighbor, a human that is just as vulnerable to sin and hell, and just as close to forgiveness and salvation as I am.
The truth is, by God's goodness, Cana and I are becoming more and more convinced that people are people whatever their situation. They need love and dignity more than they need fixing or aid. To accept love from him, in the form of candy, gave him a confirmation of his dignity. It's in giving we receive. And I guess in a way, it's in receiving that we give... hmm...
In the end, I gave the shirtless guy a hug. Yes, I slapped his wet sweaty back with my open palms and gave him a true bro hug, just as I would give one of my own brothers. And I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty disgusting. But, I'm pretty sure not doing so would have been even more repulsive. I got some candy and moreover I got a lesson from Jesus. Thank God for shirtless tattooed man.

#6 The poor are not a project.

2010-04-13T11:23:00.000-05:00

Last week, I had the privilege and blessing of being ministered to by brothers and sisters in Haiti. For years, I have been aware of the fact that works of justice involves a give/take phenomenon. But this.... But this?... no words.

As you might expect, the situation in Haiti is beyond compare. I have seen the slums of Nairobi and Guatemala City, the colonias of the US/Mexico border region, ghettos of Eastern Europe, and the devastation of post-Katrina New Orleans, but nothing... nothing like Port au Prince. The city/country is completely destroyed. No government, no leadership, no plan of action. It is literally every person for himself, with crowd control and security provided by murderous gangs. Seriously, the most community leadership that we witnessed in Port au Prince was from an infamous mob boss (whom we had the great pleasure of meeting).

The suffering of the people is immeasurable. NO building is still standing in the capital. 300,000 deaths, 240,000 injured, (50% of them seriously injured) and 2,000 amputees. Children everywhere. All of whom are physically and emotionally wounded. Schools are closed, most of them are completely destroyed. 3 out of 4 medical schools and 3 out of 4 seminaries, destroyed. All government offices and their records totally destroyed. 1.2 million people displaced and living in tents-everywhere. Tents are simply everywhere, soccer fields, town squares, backyards, dry river beds, and on every street and on every corner in between trash and rubble. The situation in the tent camps, that house anywhere from 1,500 to 40,000, is seriously like nothing I have every experienced. Well below any poverty I have ever seen or even heard of. Trash, mud, and human excrement make up the floor. Plastic sheeting, poles, and whatever materials people can find make up the roofs and walls. Simply inhumane, dangerous, and fertile grounds for sickness and epidemics. Not to mention the 4,600 dangerous criminals that were released from the prison during the earthquake.

Amidst the intense suffering, amidst the extreme tragedy, there is an overwhelming sense of trust. I wouldn't call it a full blown mature hope yet, because most of the conversations we had with locals, were heated, emotional, and definitely had a great hopeless character. But there was, however, this trust in God, that even if the situation never got an ounce better, there was trust that God knew what He was doing. In the mind of the Haitian people, God is limitless and nothing was greater than He. Like Job, the people have come to a realization of their role in the universe. We are child, He is Father. He has a plan, and it's not about us. He's God and He knows what He is doing. Within this reality, we are free. Free to work, free to give, free to love.

We had great meetings with government officials, local leaders (gang bosses), businessman, ministers, orders of priests and nuns, and average Haitians. We will respond. We will form partnerships, and we will not forget. We will send money and aid, and we will work to restructure and rebuild Haiti, because that is what our Lord asks of us. But, if that was the extent of our action, we've completely missed the point of our immersion there. God desires for us, for the Haitian people, and for all mankind, complete fulfillment in Him. That no matter the situation, we understand who He is and what He desires for us.

The poor are not a project. They are a situation, a vehicle, by which we meet the living God. Thank God for Haiti.

#5 God can

2010-02-08T13:19:00.000-06:00

I love big adventures with my family. We've been across the country in an RV, we've been over seas. But, my absolute favorite times as a Dad are the simple "ordinary" times. Mostly as I sit in my "daddy chair" and gaze with amazement at my kids. Sometimes, they actually crawl up into the chair with me. Those times, even though they are becoming few and far between as they grow, are priceless. I have learned to treasure every second of these interactions. As sappy as this might sound, it's true. Tickling my kids until they cry or engaging in a brief conversation about their day, are for me, heaven on earth.

As the years go by and the kids begin to have "more important" things to do than engage Daddy, I've got to get creative with my approaches.

One ploy that works 100% of the time is bribing. Candy is the currency in my family. And you want to get them to do anything, all you have to do is flash a gummy bear or a life saver. When we run out of candy, we usually can get a chore done with a Tums or a cough drop. Our 2 year old, Avila doesn't really know the difference. As easy as bribes are, they feel kind of cheap. I am still operating in a reward/punishment arena. The attention they give me, has nothing to do with me, but only the reward.

I've learned that the most rewarding times for me are when my kids "help" me with some sort of project. They usually end up screwing it up more than helping, but it is still worth that time with them. If you are parent you know what I'm talking about. If you aren't, I'm sure you can remember at some point, "helping" your mom cook dinner or your dad mow the lawn.

I seriously don't have the words to describe the satisfaction that I feel as my kids help me with some menial task. As a boy, I remember helping my dad, and truly believing that he needed my help. Now that I'm the dad, I realize that the only thing that my dad needed from me, was this time together. It means so much! And as I become more and more intimate with my Father in heaven, I realize that this is His mode of relating to me as well.

God can convert the world, save the world, heal the world with one word, in an instant. No process, just done and done, like that. He chooses to invite me into the process because He desires ME more than He desires to USE ME. These times that I "help" God, are the times that we spend together. Don't take this in the wrong way, but for most of us in ministry, these are some of the most intimate times with the Father. To be honest, I don't think that God could've gotten my attention any other way. I'm that kid squirming on His lap. He starts a project, gives me a task, and says, "Ennie, I need you to help me with something?" And I fall for it every time.

Not only, does He choose to need me, but He also risks complete failure when He trusts me with these tasks. He is like a dad giving me, a 3 year old the lawnmower, slapping me on the ass, and saying "go get 'em tiger."

Can you imagine this business model ever working? You are in a job interview...

Interviewer: "Yeah, um, you are the worst possible person to fulfill this job."

You: "So I didn't get the job?"

Interviewer: "No, actually, we are going to make you the Senior VP. We want you to be a part of our company so bad, that we are willing to limit ourselves and our productivity to have you on board."

This is insane, maddening, and I am uncontrollably irritated by this economy. But, this is our God. He does it time and time again in the scriptures and throughout Church history. Just look at this last Sunday's readings. Isaiah, a zealous young man that couldn't keep his mouth shut. Peter, a bad fisherman. Paul, literally killing Christians. Can you think of a worst candidate? These are the people that God chooses to do His work, not because He can't do it Himself, but because He desires the love of His children, time spent with His children, and ultimately, that His children are fulfilled in Him.

I can do nothing apart from Him. Gotta get this through my thick skull.

#4 following

2010-01-29T10:30:00.000-06:00

As the oldest of three boys, I grew up calling the shots. Whether it was Legos, G.I. Joe, or He-man, whether we were going to pull a prank on the neighbor or sneaking on to the roof, I was the lead man. I was Hannibal and they were my A-Team. This behavior, as it does with many oldest children, translated from childhood into adolescence and then into adulthood. My adolescence was filled with me roping many of my friends into making some pretty dumb decisions. I recall one night pulling the red Ford Topaz back into my parents driveway at 3am, after "stealing" it for a couple of hours. The friend in the passenger seat literally burst into tears as the headlights shined brightly on a half naked, very confused father of mine. We were fourteen and grounded.
When it comes to the Gospel, Jesus makes it very clear to me that following Him is fundamental. When I decided to follow Jesus, I relinquished the lead role to Him. This is ridiculously hard for me. And the worst part is, that it's that I call myself a follower. I'm a "follower", that because of fear of what Jesus might ask, 99% of the time does not follow. And I've figured out ways to make myself feel like I am, so that I can continue leading.

Here are just a few of the mechanisms that I've invented.

- Options (most common for me)
Jesus: "Follow me."
Me: "Okay. Can you give me some options and let me pick one?"
Jesus: "But, that would make you in charge. Just trust me."
Me: "What did you say Jesus? I'm busy praying about my options."

- Judgement
Jesus: "Follow me."
Me: "Sure thing Jesus, you want me to change the world for your Glory, right?"
Jesus: "Well, sure, but I just need you to trust me with whatever I ask you to do."
Me: "What did you say Jesus? I'm busy praying for all the sad sad pagans not doing your will."

- If/Then
Jesus: "Follow me."
Me: "I'm all over it Jesus. Now if you could just make it real clear for me."
Jesus: "I need you to step out into the darkness. Trust me, I'm right here."
Me: "What did you say Jesus? I'm staring at the Sun waiting for it to dance."

Whether you are the oldest in your family or not, chances are some of these mechanisms probably sound familiar. Chances are, just like me, you are scared to death of what Jesus might ask you to do. In my heart of hearts I really want to trust. I really want to obey. But, I choose to just "get by" on my own. I convince myself that I'm doing God's will, but I am really just doing my will with some Godly sweetener.

Lord, help me to trust you more. I know that you have my best interest in mind, because you are my Father. Teach me how to follow you.

#3 honor or emulate?

2010-01-18T13:03:00.000-06:00

Today I rode my motorcycle over to the bank to cash a check, completely forgetting that the banks are closed on this national holiday. MLK is a hero of mine, but I forget that our country still honors him. Where hate speech and exclusivity prevails in most media and social outreaches, including churches, I tend to giggle when I think about our nation honoring Dr. King. Until I can emulate his example, I really can't talk though.

I still hang out with people like me. I give freely of my time and gifts to those who appreciate them. I don't like to love people who misbehave, who are rude, or misinformed. I'm easily annoyed with people who simply regurgitate, with passion, what they heard on a 24 hr news channel. In my prayer today, as I remember Dr. King, I'm praying that I can love the abortionist as much as I love the innocent child, that I can love the fear monger as much as I love the immigrant.

Lord, have mercy on me, a bigot. Give me the grace to see how recklessly you love all of your children, and the grace to love them as you love them.

#2 is my gift enough?

2010-01-17T12:20:00.000-06:00

I love Jesus...

When He's asked which [one] command was the first of all, He gives two. One very lofty and ideal and one very practical and hard. The second actually gives a hint at how "not easy" the first is. Aka: if we love God, we obey His commands.

In the synoptic Gospels, it's phrased something like this, "You shall love your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength" and "love your neighbor as yourself."

Love it! Actually doing this... of course, much harder. If it wasn't, it wouldn't have made the list of Holy Irritations.

The truth is, I love to give. I love the "feeling" of giving a really great gift. I love surprising folks with a thoughtful gift, or a gift that far exceeds their expectations. It's also really cool to be known as a "good gift giver" or a "thoughtful person". This Christmas, we and a couple of other families gave a dairy cow to a family in Africa! It really was a lot of fun, imagining their faces when they saw our gift. From an outsiders perspective, I look like a nice person, a good Christian, a person who is loving folks as myself.

But really? As myself? Really. Really?

I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure loving folks as myself would mean I would spend just as much money on neighbors as I do on myself and just as much time praying for others as I do for my own intentions. I don't ever recall looking at my budget or my time in this way. I give mostly on my terms, and from my excess, not my need.

What would it look like, if I were able to take this command seriously? What would me neighborhood or my home look like? Crazy.

This week I texted a word to a number and donated 10 bucks to the rescue efforts in Haiti. And it felt awesome! Then I saw some more horrifying pictures from the tragedy, so I decided to do it again. This time I gave $15. For some reason, it didn't feel as good. Jesus was irritating me with His command to love more deeply. Side note: If you didn't do at least this much, I'm not sure you can call yourself human. Unless of course you were totally oblivious to the situation over there.

Giving a couple of bucks to the relief efforts in Haiti is the human thing to do! That being said, I can't help being haunted by Jesus commands. "Love your neighbor as yourself." Is giving this amount of money, the Christian thing to do? Is this really loving neighbors as yourself?

So as I'm sipping my coffee, clicking away on my blog, my neighbor is suffering, dying, without parents, without children, without hope, without a home...

I'm irritated. Lord, give me the Grace to not only know what to do, but to do it.

#1 starting it

2010-01-15T12:08:00.002-06:00

Six years ago...

Me: "Man, I should really start a blog, or a book or something."

Jesus: ":) I agree. Tell them about me and all the stuff that comes with me."

Me: "I will. Soon. It seems like all speakers and preachers have one, and I feel left out 'cause I don't write. I also need something to sell when I go places. More approval, more money, did I mention approval?"

Jesus: ":| Nope. Not what I meant."

Me: "Okay. Yeah, your right Jesus. You always are. I'll start it soon... for you, of course."

At least once a month since then...

Jesus: "Blog, book?"

Me: "Sure. Soon."

Arghhh! What is it about getting started with the transformation that is so hard for me? I'm reminded of Paul's letter to the Romans, chapter 7 "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." I'm sure this will be a recurring theme here on this blog.

I've got a ton of aspirations and dreams, great ideas and goals. Primary of these, is being holy. (Secondary, is a disposable coffee cup that when coffee is poured into it, sugar and/or cream is automatically dispensed to your liking, eliminating the need for a little trash can for creamer and sugar packet trash.) However, when I step back and look at all these great ideas. It all just seems so daunting, time consuming and hard. And sometimes, it's just the fact that I don't even know where to start. Recently I read the Gospel of Matthew, chapters 5 through 7. And I can honestly say that there was not a single command, from the sermon on the mount, that I have been able to master. "Let your light shine, love your enemies, be meek, give your extra coat, do not pray with empty phrases." FAIL. As I reflected on this seemingly depressing fact, I was struck with a couple of things. First, that I really do have everything that I need to fulfill these commands, namely the Holy Spirit, who is our help and dwells in us that we might become partakers of the Divine Nature. And secondly, I just need to start hacking away.

The irritations are there, the failures, etc. I just need to start cooperating with what I have been given to find joy in them, to itch them, if you will.

Welcome to my blog. I pray that together, we find Hope in our weaknesses.

Community, wherever you live...

2009-11-07T08:01:00.000-06:00

Last year, when we went shopping for a new house in the Houston-Metro area, one of the most culturally diverse cities in the nation, we knew that we wanted to live somewhere, where we could "do life" with our neighbors. Previously, we had lived in the suburbs of southeast Phoenix, in a nice middle class neighborhood in Chandler. There we felt shut off from our neighbors, as they shut their garage doors. There was no way that we were going back to that lifestyle. Now, we were on a hunt where we could live in community with people of different races, backgrounds, and life experiences, somewhere our kids could learn what sparing and sharing was all about. This desire led us to look within the inner city and the old 'wards' of downtown Houston. Eventually, to our dismay, we had to widen our search. The wards were just too dangerous for our growing family of six. We "settled" into a quaint neighborhood on the southwest side of Houston proper, vowing that "one day" we would be able to move inward. For months, I was in anguish over our decision. Everyone on our block had cars, and everyone had garage doors (to shut). For the first couple of months, when I talked to my justice minded friends, I would always feel a bit ashamed, that we couldn't make the plunge, and that we had to settle with Braeburn Valley, which is really just an inner ring suburb that has a Houston address. Then it got a bit cooler in Houston, and pretty soon our little cul-de-sac on Del Rey Ln. sprung to life.

I am happy to say that I no longer feel ashamed of my address. I know each one of my neighbors, (who are very diverse) and we are learning to do life together. Each week we gather for a family meal, a potluck of sorts. It's a bit awkward at times, but it's community.

The fact of the matter is, that we are called to do community, wherever we live. Even though I would rather hang out with physically needy people, God has me on Del Rey Ln. for a reason. And just because it's not where I feel the hippest and most radical, it's where He wants us for now.

let's pray together

2009-08-17T12:18:00.000-05:00

Dear fellow missioners,

One of the most fun and spiritual enriching things about doing the Lord's work is getting to commune and pray with some of the country's most amazing people in ministry. Unfortunately, it never seems to last long enough. We all have our own missions, cities, and families to get back to.

What if there were more time? Just for us. To pray, eat, share, and dream. What could the Lord do with us in a weekend, where we weren't "working" or "serving" with one another, but simply coming to Him, intentionally, for an outpouring of new vision for ministry and evangelization in this country? Don't you think we owe this to ourselves? To our God? To the people we serve? I do.

This is not a commercial. This isn't a last ditch effort to boost our numbers. This isn't about any one ministry or any one name (although we could drop some names). This is about a community of evangelists and ministry leaders from across the country coming to seek Him in a great time of need. The ADORE Worship Summit is about you and I getting that time we need and desire.

If you think this is going to be just another conference, give me a call and I'd be happy to explain why it isn't. You seriously don't miss this epic weekend, September 4-6 in Houston.

For registration and event info - www.adoreworship.com - and click on the summit graphic.

I love you all dearly, and I hope to see you in Houston. Please feel free to forward this on to anyone else.

peace+

ennie

Trust is hard

2008-08-22T09:41:00.000-05:00

For the last couple of months, we've been faced with a lot of situations where we just have to step into a dark place, not really knowing what was on the other side. Although our situation is unique, it almost has this timeless character. For generations, Christians have been behaving in seemingly dangerous ways, all in trust of God. It's the Christian experience; learning who your life belongs to, yours or His? My life still belongs to me, but I'm learning how to hand it over piece after piece. It's not easy... so it makes the list of the latest Holy Irritations.

There is a great Mother Teresa story (don't you just love MT stories?), about a man from the United States who fell in love with Christ and just knew that God had something magnanimous for him to do. He left his job, and began searching. After a while, he became a little impatient, because he felt that God had not given him absolute clarity in what he was supposed to do with His life. He packed his things and decided to go and work with Mother for a while in Calcutta. When he finally got the chance to meet Mother, he thought he could ask her to pray for him through his discernment. So he approached her with this question, "Mother, will you pray for me? I know that God wants me to do something great with my life, I just don't know what it is. Will you pray that I have complete clarity from God as to what it is that He wants me to do? Once I have clarity, I will do it." And Mother, in her sweet Mother Teresa way, said, "No. I won't pray for you for that. I never once in my life had clarity as to what God wanted me to do. I will, however, pray that you Trust Him."

Trust, not clarity is what we need during our transition. When I try and begin to figure out just how God is going to make all the mission work, I get bogged down and begin to panic. When I live in such a way that is completely vulnerable to God's will, I have freedom and peace. He knows what's best for us. He's our Father.

Please pray for the Hickmans, that we never have clarity in what we are supposed to do, but that we completely trust God each day and each step.

peace+

Missionaries!

2008-08-06T10:09:00.000-05:00

Since our marriage seven years ago our goal has been to live our lives in submission to the will of God in whatever mission that He had for us to do. It was that submission that led this Texas boy Arizona! (this rarely happens). We have always felt a strong call to advance the New Evangelization in the world. We feel that God has also placed a burden on our hearts to lead people to worship and adoration of Our Lord. I've been working hard at this mission here at St. Timothy's and the fruits of our mission have been immeasurable.

For about ten years now I have gathered a lot of support and inspiration from my good buddy Paul George and his organization ADORE Ministries, who so obviously share the same vision and passion for the New Evangelization. It is with faithfulness to God that we have accepted an opportunity to work full time with ADORE in an outreach to the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston. We are not completely sure as to how is going to do this ministry in Houston, but we know that we need your support and your prayers. I'll be at St. Tim's through September and then we will becoming Missionaries! Completely dependent on God's providence.

Simplicity

2008-08-02T15:45:00.000-05:00

By God's Abundant Grace... we have not stopped learning and growing. Throughout the past year, through study and prayer, we have felt God reveal more of His plan for our growing family, and the way He desires us to live. As we pray and discern, there has been a very specific call to a sparing/sharing lifestyle that includes simplicity of life and embracing a certain level of poverty, in order to, among other things, free us from the bonds of this world and enable us to be more effective witnesses to all the people that God puts in our path. And what freedom we have found! It's with great excitement that we have begun this process, and we are looking forward to what the Holy Spirit has in store for us in the near future!